Episode 15: Ego

Hello, I'm Luke, and welcome to another episode of the Vision of Victory podcast, where we discuss practical ways to turn your dreams into reality.

Last week, we talked about being attentive and paying attention to your own life, what our lives are speaking to us and teaching us. Over the past several weeks, we've explored a variety of topics that contribute to a meaningful and purposeful life.

Here’s the thing: none of that matters if we don't get out of our own way. What keeps us stuck? What keeps us getting in our own way?

I would submit that it’s our ego. So that's what I want to talk about today.

The Ego: What It Is and Why It Matters

We can do a lot of great things, like develop ourselves, put good habits into place, but at the end of the day, we have to get out of our own way. So much of what keeps us stuck is simply ourselves. I can speak from personal experience on many levels.

Let’s define ego: Ego is the part of us that looks out for ourselves, our self-esteem, our pride, our sense of identity. The problem is that ego is single-minded and generally selfish.

I've come to believe there's little, if anything, that hinders growth, connection, and progress more than our ego.

Misconceptions About Ego

Most people think of ego as overt arrogance, you know, people who think they're God’s gift to the world. But I would submit that ego is usually much more subtle than that.

● You don’t have to be an extrovert to be egotistical.

● You may think of yourself as kind and caring, and believe ego isn’t something you deal with.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Ego is part of the human condition. So again, I challenge you—be honest with yourself and your own ego.

Where Ego Shows Up

These aren’t exhaustive, but here are three common and critical areas where ego often rears its head:

1. Communication

We’ve talked about communication before, but let’s focus on the ego component:

● Ego seeks to be right instead of to understand. We all relate to this. We’ve been in situations where we defend our opinions because we’re emotionally invested in being “right.”

● Ego speaks more than it listens. If we’re only listening so we can respond or get our point across, we aren’t truly connecting.

● Ego tries to direct the interaction in our favor. Often subtle and unconscious, ego guides conversations toward subjects that make us look good—or even paints us as victims to gain moral high ground.

When we do these things, we’re not really communicating. We’re signaling that our perspective is more important than the other person's.

2. Relationships

Ego in relationships often seeks superiority, and this shows up in various forms:

● Moral superiority (e.g. “I’m a victim, I’d never do that to someone else.”)

● Success superiority (“Look at everything I’ve done.”)

● Intelligence or capability superiority (“Look how smart I am.”)

Even people-pleasing can be ego-driven. It can be a subtle manipulation to be seen in a certain light—“I do everything for everyone else”—which ironically becomes selfish.

Long-term healthy relationships teach us that pride has no place. Ego keeps our relationships stuck and prevents true connection.

3. Personal Growth

Growth requires change, and change requires humility, which is at odds with ego.

● Ego says, “I got this. I don’t need help.”

● But the truth is: We don’t change by ourselves.

We need people. We grow in community, in relationships, especially in close ones like marriage, where our selfishness becomes more visible.

If we don’t get our ego in check, it will stifle:

● Our growth

● Our relationships

● Our communication

The Good News: You Can Reframe Your Ego

The ego protects your identity. It doesn’t care what the identity is, only that it protects it.

So what if we reframe our identity into something that serves us?

Examples of Identity Reframing

1. From “I’m smart” To “I seek the truth, no matter what”

→ Now your ego defends your curiosity and desire for truth, not your need to be right.

2. From “I’m a great problem solver” To “I prioritize connection over giving advice”

→ Especially in relationships, this mindset shift allows for real emotional connection, rather than just fixing things.

3. From “I’m independent and self-sufficient” To “I’m someone who is constantly growing and asks for help when I need it”

→ We are deeply interdependent. True strength lies in admitting that and seeking help when necessary.

Let Ego Serve Your Values

If we want progress, growth, and connection, we must align our identity with our values. That’s how ego becomes a servant rather than a saboteur.

For example:

● Value = truth → Identity = “I seek the truth”

● Value = connection → Identity = “I connect before I advise”

● Value = growth → Identity = “I ask for help and seek to learn”

When our ego protects these kinds of identities, we move forward instead of staying stuck.

Practical Challenge

Here’s your practical takeaway:

● Pay attention to your interactions this week.

● Ask yourself: Is my ego showing up in subtle, self-seeking ways? Am I trying to control the conversation? Look good? Win?

Be relentless in this self-awareness. Once you identify where your ego is sabotaging you, reframe your identity. Make your ego submit to your values.

Closing Thoughts

We all deal with ego. The key is not to eliminate it but to redirect it.

To recap:

● Identify where ego is getting in your way.

● Reframe your identity to align with your values.

● Let your ego protect who you want to be, not who you’ve been.

If this resonated with you, or you have questions or topics you'd like me to explore next, let me know.

If you found this helpful, like, share, subscribe, and I’ll talk to you on next weeks episode.