Episode 16: Seeing Clearly
Hello, I'm Luke and welcome to another episode of the Vision to Victory podcast, where we discuss practical ways to turn your dreams into reality. Last week we talked about ego and how that can either hurt or help us. Today I wanna talk about seeing clearly.
"What Do You See?"
I want to set this up with a question. What do you see? I could perhaps present you with a situation or show you a picture, and I could ask, what do you see? And I could do this with a hundred different people, and I would get a hundred different answers, perhaps with some overlap, of course. But everybody would have their own take on what it is that they're looking at.
And it might sound like a simple question, but why is it that two people could be looking at the exact same thing and See something very different? And my hope is to unpack this with the goal of helping us recognize what's going on, not only, not only in a situation, but in a relationship or in business.
The Importance of Seeing Clearly
Seeing clearly is a life skill is seeing clearly and unfortunately it’s a skill that not a lot of people have developed. If you haven't developed it, then you're probably not aware that you need to develop it. So hopefully you will find this helpful.
Quote by David Brooks
Bestselling author David Brooks wrote this about seeing clearly, he said, "Many of us see through the filter of our fear, insecurity, or narcissism."
Clarifying Narcissism
Quick side note - I'm not a fan of how words like narcissism, and I could name several others as well that get co-opted and generalized. So, if someone you think is a terrible person, we just call themem a narcissist without any consideration of what that actually means.
And so I just want to give a little bullet her and provide an accurate definition, or at least a working definition of narcissism. And it's this: Self-centeredness arising from a failure to distinguish self from external objects or situations, meaning simply - we think that everything is related to us or our perspective on things or our feelings.It keeps us from seeing things as they are, but rather we see them through our own lens or we project our own experiences and feelings, thoughts, all those things on a situation.
Revisiting the David Brooks Quote
So again, in David Brooks quote, "Many of us see through the filter of our fear, insecurity or narcissism." He goes on to say, "Seeing well is not natural. It is an act of humility. It means getting your own self, your own needs and wishes out of the way so that you can see the thing you're looking at as itself and not as a mirror of your own interests."
Connecting It to Ego and Projection
So, David Brooks quote is exactly what I was getting at, and we talked about some of this in the last episode about Ego, but we project our own fears, insecurities or narcissism because we think that every situation is somehow related to us and how we think or process our own experience. Oftentimes, this projection is really not the cate. In fact, I would say most of the time, all the things in the world are not necessarily related to you specifically.
Interdependence vs. Projection
Now, not to discount. Other things that we've talked about as far as interdependence and how we all are in this together in a way where we help each other and all that - That's not what I'm talking about.
I think we've all been in situations where we assume, usually subconsciously until you arrive at a certain level of maturity where you realize what's going on, but subconsciously we assume that people see things the same way we do.
It seems obvious because that's just the way that we see it and so surely everyone else must be seeing the same thing. But the more you go through life, the more you realize that that is is simply not the case.
1. Pattern Recognition
So how can we see clearly? What are some of the ways that we can ensure that we are objective and clear in our perception of things? And the first one I wanna talk about is pattern recognition.
Explanation and Examples
So let me lay it out this way: What can appear to be chaotic or random to the untrained eye can easily be broken down into clear patterns by a pro.
If you have ever undertaken a new learning a new skill, whether it's a sport or a musical instrument, or a language, whatever it is… When you first start, not everything makes sense. But the more you learn and the better you understand what's going on, it becomes much easier to make sense of, easier to identify patterns, and easier to realize what's going on and how things fit together.
Take golfing for example. If you've never hit a golf ball before, the first time you try it, it's a win if you even just make contact with the ball, right? But let’s say you take lessons and play for years, you start to notice the nuances. This applies to everything in life. And what's so interesting is there's so many areas of life where we have not done the work to develop the expertise of recognizing what's going on.
Why Pattern Recognition Matters
We need to recognize patterns in our lives and in our own thinking. If you're seeing a result that is not what you're looking for, find a way to recognize the pattern that is leading to that result—and then you can do something with it.
2. Feelings vs. Reality
This is a big one. We are all, as humans, emotional people.
How Feelings Affect Perception
Things in life like situations, people, and objects often trigger feelings based on our past experiences. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we make associations based on feelings tied to past experiences.
Example: Trauma and Triggers
Let's say you experienced trauma, maybe abuse. You’ll naturally develop protective patterns. But when unresolved, these patterns bleed into adult life. You can be triggered by people or situations that remind you of past trauma, even if they’re unrelated.
Being Objective
It’s so critical to distinguish:
● Is this what’s really happening?
● Or is this a feeling I’m having?
Just being aware of your feelings in the moment is a starting point. You can then trace it back and determine: is this about now, or is it about then?
3. Motivations
Motivations is perhaps the most prevalent and what most commonly keeps us from seeing clearly.
What Are Motivations?
Motivations are why we do what we do. They are often subconscious.
And here’s the hard truth: Oftentimes our biggest motivation isn’t to find the truth - It’s to be right.
Motivational Bias: You say something and want to be right, so you look for evidence to support it and ignore contradictory facts. Or, you want to feel accepted, validated, or loved—so you adopt someone else’s views to gain connection.
Motivations Are Not Bad: To be clear, the link between motivations and perception isn’t a bad thing. But it becomes problematic when we mistake our motivations for facts.
Toyota Camry Example
Let’s say you’re in the market for a Camry. Suddenly, you start seeing them everywhere. You say to your partner, “Everyone’s driving a Camry!” No, you’re just noticing them now because your motivation of wanting one is influencing your perception.
We Find What We’re Looking For
This example shows that your interpretation can be wrong even if your observation is correct. This happens all the time in communication and relationships.
Our Identity Influences our Motivations
As always, I like to bring this back to identity because what we anchor to as our identity influences our motivations.
If your identity is anchored in being someone who seeks truth, even if it means being wrong, that’s vastly different than anchoring your identity in appearing right.
The more you realize that we all make mistakes and that being wrong is part of learning, the less you cling to appearances. And the more clearly you begin to see.